Smile, You're On Candid Camera!
by Schnickledooger
Summary: Matt thinks the phrase “any publicity is good publicity” is dead wrong. Tai is just his friend. So how come those pictures of them that surface look so darn slashy? Blasted paparazzi. CRACK fic!


**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Digimon**. Toei Animation does.

**Summary: **Matt thinks the phrase "any publicity is good publicity" is dead wrong. Tai is just his friend. So how come those pictures of them that surface look so darn slashy? Blasted paparazzi.

**Smile, You're On Candid Camera!**

"Look, Matt, another one was just uploaded!"

Matt gave a disparaging moan into the pillow of the couch and wondered why Tai sounded so gleeful. Didn't he understand that he was being implicated in being in a homosexual relationship with his so-called best friend?—which was so totally _not _true. Too many hours under the sun and getting whacked in the head with a soccer ball must have damaged his brain.

"Seriously, Matt, you have got to come see this! I think it might be chosen for the cover of the next magazine featuring you!"

Well, he _was _curious. It really was amazing the kind of snapshots photographers could capture at the right moment and make it seem like something else was happening contrary to reality.

Sighing, Matt got up from the sofa and stepped over to stand behind Tai who was seated in front of the computer and scrolling through an image gallery on one of Matt's many fan sites. The picture in particular that was the topic of their conversation showed the two of them walking down the sidewalk: Tai was still wearing his soccer uniform complete with grass stains and mud smudges and Matt was in his school uniform alongside him. Matt remembered that day well. They had received a distress call from the younger Digidestined and had skipped class to come to their aid—the urgency showed on their faces, but the focus of the picture was aimed directly at their hands. Tai was a little bit ahead and was reaching back behind him, his hand clasped firmly around Matt's wrist, to pull him forward. However, as they were walking a brisk pace, the image was blurred and it appeared like they were holding hands.

"Whaddya think?" Tai asked, wriggling his eyebrows and grinning lop-sided at him. "Your fans made a poll and people can vote for their favorites. Wanna make a bet? Which picture gets the number one rating? So far, this is neck and neck with the one of us on the beach!"

Matt could recall that one without looking. All the Digidestined had gotten together for a one-day vacation there and had decided to play a game of volley-ball, girls against guys. Matt had gathered quite a crowd of spectators at the beach—being a celebrity meant you had to give up your anonymity—and one of their audience members had managed to capture the exact moment Tai and Matt had collided in a mid-air jump, each one trying to hit the ball. The resulting picture portrayed a zoom-in of their sweaty, sand-swept, shirtless chests in an intimate, physical contact.

"Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier, the editor of _Bishounen Bromance_ called and asked if we were free to do an 'enlightening interview' on Thursday around noon," Tai said

Matt swore violently and went into the kitchen to cook something. Cooking always calmed his frazzled nerves.

"Could you get me a soda pop while you're in there, honey?" Tai called, not bothering to mask the laughter in his voice.

Matt growled low in his throat and tightened his grip on the iron skillet, contemplating if it was worth it or not to march back into there and give Tai a concussion. He did have a Mr. Cool character to uphold though.

"Say, what has Sora got to say about this recent development?" Tai pressed. "Is she angry at all the rumors floating around?"

"She has the picture of you and me the day we were at the park and fell into the water fountain saved as freaking wallpaper on her computer and there's also a locked folder on it that I can't get into entitled 'Taito'!" Matt spat. "What the_ hell_ does that stand for anyway?!"

Tai let out an insanely creepy laugh and did a quick Google search. "Aw, don't feel too bad, Matt. There's bunch of shrines on here dedicated to 'Yamachi' too."

"Don't talk in a language that I don't understand or want to!" Matt shouted, smashing an eggshell wide open on the countertop viciously. Apparently he was making an omelet.

"Look, I could always stay away for a couple of weeks until this all blows over if it's really bothering you," Tai suggested in the first serious tone he had spoken in all day.

"No, dammit, I'm not going to let evil paparazzi rule my life!" Matt yelled, scrambling the egg yolks savagely. "I can hang around my friends as much as I want to and if the public wants to buy into this ridiculous story they're selling, it's their own money they're wasting!"

"You're not afraid this false assumption will ruin your reputation?" Tai asked.

"Dad says this is good for my image," Matt stated bleakly. "That the _Teenage Wolves'_ albums and merchandise has more than tripled their estimate ever since the pictures started circulating. He wants the rest of the band to get fake boyfriends too."

"So should I scream out a marriage proposal to you next time you're onstage singing? That should set you up in comfortable living for the next five years."

Matt threw the entire carton of eggs at Tai's head. Sometimes, Matt really hated his fan-base.

**Epilogue**

"Is your camera all charged up, Kari? I brought my brother's camcorder this time. I thought we could make the footage of them into a viral video and upload it on the web."

"That's brilliant, Yolei! At this rate, they'll be hitching up in less than a month. Tai told me Matt nearly cracked his resolve that time we tripped them and they both fell into the water fountain."

_Ring! Ring!_

"That'll be Sora calling to notify us of their next location. Hey, after this project's done, want to start working on Davis and Ken next?"

"Ooh, I can't wait! We can name the pairing 'Daiken'!"

**The End**

**A/N: **Crack. Pure, unadulterated crack. This fic is also entitled, **Smile, You're On Kamiya Camera!** (^w~) I don't know. I started thinking about the camera Kari's always wearing and she only uses it like what maybe three times in the show? What kinds of pictures does she have stored in there? And she seems to have struck me as a manipulative little devil. Oh, she's cute, she has an angel Digimon. But she knows how to appear innocent while being completely guilty. Add that to the equation that I wanted to try my hand at a Taito fic and you've got this baby. I tried to hint that someone in the Digidestined group was behind all the pictures early on, yet tried to be subtle about it too. How many of you guessed correctly? Beware the fangirls. Beware them, I say! Muwahahahaha!

Hope you enjoyed reading this! Please review and tell me your favorite parts. It makes my day and reviews are my only reward for writing this. Thank you!


End file.
